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| WOMEN | vs. | MEN | If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. | NICKNAMES | If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. | When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. | EATING OUT | When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. | A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. | MONEY | A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. | The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. | BATHROOMS | A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. | A woman has the last word in any argument. | ARGUMENTS | Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. | Women love cats. | CATS | Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. (Remember, this is humor!) |
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. | FUTURE | A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. | A successful woman is one who can find a successful man who makes more money than she can spend. | SUCCESS | A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. | A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. | MARRIAGE | A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. | A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. | DRESSING UP | A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. | Women somehow deteriorate during the night. | NATURAL | A Man wakes up as good-looking as he went to bed. | A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. | OFFSPRING | A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. |
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